he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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