I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
