Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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