she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
