im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
