dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
