I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
