I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
