so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
