Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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