Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
