So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
