i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so that wasnt chicken after all
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
