Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
