First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
