there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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