Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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