How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
