How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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