I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
