youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
