dude i'm inner monologue high
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
