i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
