its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
