Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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