hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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