Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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