Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
