Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize