I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
