One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
