Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
whose parrot is this?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
