Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
