i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
