I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
