how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
