i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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