Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
