So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i out mim tonsoeep
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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