I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
