i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
