Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize