I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
