ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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