I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
