I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
