yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize