Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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