I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
