Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
