I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
