I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
