The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
