how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I love you.
Bad choice
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
