Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
