I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
