I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
