if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
