I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
