Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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