Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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