then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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