I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
