Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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