you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
