the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
