dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
