I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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