i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
