Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
