And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
