Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
