don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
