glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
