They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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