He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
