Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that's an acceptable place to lick
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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