does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
