I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
