Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
