he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
