Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
