i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
