Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
