And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
