haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
